“Shhh, my baby’s listening”
Imagine if you told people you’d become engaged to be married, and they congratulated you, then asked you if you were scared about the wedding? What if they said that it was lovely to get married but that you shouldn’t get your hopes up about your special day because things can go wrong and it’s best to go with the flow and be prepared for it to be a bad experience, but that doesn’t matter because at least you’ll have a husband at the end of the day?
We wouldn’t accept this for a moment about our wedding, but somehow it’s become acceptable for people to tell us this sort of thing about giving birth.
Well I say “No more horror birth stories!” If you’re pregnant and someone starts to tell you their horror story, you are so welcome to say, “No thank you, I’d prefer not to hear your story. My baby’s listening.”
People who have wonderful positive births don’t just go with the flow. They are proactive and choose to take specific actions during their pregnancies to stack the cards in their favour to achieve the great births they desire.
What do they do? Things like attending pregnancy yoga and Calmbirth or another independent childbirth course with their partner, and choosing a care provider and place of birth which matches their values and wishes for birth. They choose to take in positive messages about what podcasts they listen to, the books and websites they read, the social media they follow, the people they hang around with. They have their body checked by a women’s health physio, osteo or chiro to ensure their pelvis is balanced to allow plenty of room for their baby to pass through.
All of these strategies increase your chance of having a positive experience of pregnancy, of giving birth to your precious baby, and of having a smooth transition to parenting. Why does it matter? Because you deserve to feel comfortable and enjoy your pregnancy. To feel close and connected with your partner. To prepare for your birth together. You have the right to bring your baby into the world safely, calmly and joyfully. Many women do, and you can too. And when the birth is smooth, the first days, weeks and months of life with your new baby are likely to be more manageable too.
So my advice is to say, “Shhhh, my baby’s listening!” when people want to tell you their negative stuff. Find your positive birth community and hang out with them, to soak up all the positive messages and vibes that you can find, and prepare a pregnancy action plan so that your months of pregnancy are useful and enjoyable. You might even become a lover of all things birthy like me!
By Karen Shlegaris. Karen says: “The wonderful birth of my first son 28 years ago awoke a passion for childbirth within me and I’ve been working with pregnant and postnatal women and their families ever since. I’ve taught childbirth and parenting education classes, Calmbirth courses, pregnancy and mums & bubs yoga, infant massage classes, birth debriefing sessions and I’ve supported births as a doula. Birthwork is fabulous. You get to hang out with divine people who want to have fabulous births and be amazing parents. People like you. I’ve chosen 35 of my clients’ beautiful, positive birth stories and put them in my new book Inspired Pregnancy, Joyful Birth to show you that birth can indeed be safe, healthy and joyful . I look forward to welcoming you at birthandbabyvillage.com.au. “